| Well, I submitted a new picture on hotornot.com, and I got a 9.5. So if I get my teeth fixed so I can smile... Hmmm. I better behave and not get full of shit! Speaking of flaws, I just got through watching Phantom of the Opera. Beautiful, maybe one day my creativity will match its wonder. Lord I hate my teeth, if I had enough bullshit money I'd rip em all out and put perfect fake ones in. I hate them, my fuckin "hillbilly" teeth. Maybe if I had a nicer smile, got in shape, I wouldn't have to be this way. Maybe I could be on tv or something, learn to dance and live in a better world. No, its not for me, I'm realistic, an artist, who will face terrible challenge probally until the day I die, and I might die alone only waiting to meet Christ. There are so much holes and uncertainty. I've been dealt not a horrid card, nor a perfect card, but one of significance, and I will play that card. If I had my way about it, I would forge my own world, create my own life, I'll create and breathe he world I've dreamed in since I was a child. I was never really fully into reality, and when I joined the real world, though I felt free at first, it made me sad. One day, I wish the world could se my mind greater than what my hands can make it, I wish people could live in my world for once, and tell me what its like, and if my world is warm, if they can smile at me, and I can feel their joy. I just want to let this mask go, let these feelings of reality and the way I'm supposed to feel go. I want to be insane again, like I used to be. So my art can be wonderful, and I can be where I want to be - sometimes even if its alone. But there is a wall growing within me, and I cannot understand what is inside myself anymore. I let it go, and become the "real" Jeremiah, the one I somewhat know, and the one people love. Somehow, I feel others can see more than what I can in my own reflection. Maybe one day I'll understand. Sometimes I wish I could go crazy, so I can feel new and free, so my art and my heart can be one again.
Biblically I've been studying the book of Genesis, the Geeber, and the Kenites. I haven't heard from Sue in a while, but shes busy. Playing Breath of Fire, its great, but kinda boring. Well, bye everyone. |
